…closer to being parents of the child God has for us.
It is a weird thing to not have any plans for the next 18 years, but that is exactly what we have been dealing with since last month’s failed adoption. We had completely cleared our calendars of most responsibilities, travel, and projects with exception to the family wedding that we planned to introduce our child to all our Sireci family. One day we were going to be parents…and the next day we weren’t. One day I had 12 weeks of maternity leave ahead of me…and then next day, I was figuring out what work would look like for me. One day we thought that God was saying it was our turn…and the next day He told us that now isn’t our time.
That being said, all things considered, we took this failed adoption pretty well. I was less sad and more questioning what God really has planned for me after practically quitting my job in preparation to be home. This loss was nothing like the loss of Little One or Norah Maye. I think we just found ourselves wondering what to do with all the momentum we had build up toward our lives changing forever, and then finding that our lives were just the same.
So relatively speaking, this past month didn’t bring much change at all. Weekends come and they go, we appreciate the rest, but generally find that we just wish we had a child to hang out with and love. We have continued our busy lifestyles with work and play and church and community and family. We continue to be so grateful for all those people waiting and praying with us. We praise and serve a Great God in spite of the fact that we often wonder why he leads us down paths that just don’t seem to make sense. He is still so good and quite honestly, I can’t imagine going through life without His sustaining power!
This coming week we celebrate our Norah Maye’s 1st Birthday. I miss her terribly, and although tears still come sometimes, generally I think of her and I am so grateful! I realize more and more the vessel she was to bring me closer to the Lord. I am different today because God put her in my life and so we celebrate her birth because of the miracle she was and the ministry she had.
And so we look ahead with excitement and anticipation to what the coming months will bring. Waiting on the Lord to say, “IT’S GO TIME!” We told our social worker that we just want to know when the baby is ready for us. We don’t need any warning, because we are READY! And when I say ready I mean car seats are installed, formula and diapers are bought, bottles and baby clothes are washed, nursery is completed, diaper bag is packed kind of ready. Give us an hour and we will be on our way!