I miss her…

Journal entry from today…

I woke up today hoping and praying that I was waking up from a nightmare.  But when I opened my eyes that wasn’t the case and I tried my hardest to fight back the tears.  But I couldn’t.  It hurts Lord. It hurts all over!  I miss my sweet Norah Maye with every fiber of my being.  I miss the way she made me feel.  I miss the way she made me a mother and let me take care of her.  She relied on me.  As You created her, she relied on me.  I took care of her down here.  I miss being her mom and her lifeline.  I miss reading to her and talking to her.  I miss the impact that she had on me everyday as I learned to attach and cherish my time with her.  I miss taking naps with her and thinking about if she liked the food I was eating.  I miss falling asleep at night knowing that we were all together as a family.  I miss cuddling on the couch with her and Jonathan and Langlee.  I always rubbed my belly with such satisfaction knowing that she was there with us.  I miss Jonathan reading to her from the Jesus Storybook Bible and praying over her.  I miss the way Langlee would lay across my belly like she was already making friends with Norah.  I miss the girl time we would have going on walks, reading, and just rocking and me telling her about the world.  I miss holding her little body.  I would do anything just to hold her again and kiss on her sweet body.  I miss being a family of three.  I miss being an expecting mom. I miss driving home from work and talking about my day with her.  I miss her.  I want her back so badly.  I want to be her mom down here and take care of her.  They call people like me “invisible mothers.”  No babies to show for the love we have.  It makes sense.  It hurts.  I wish I it wasn’t me.  But I wish that only because I wish my babies were here with me.

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2 thoughts on “I miss her…

  1. I feel your pain and so sorry you both are going through this. I have been there. All I can say is lean on your husband. He has lost also. Lean on family and friends but most of all , Gods plan for your family and future.

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  2. I know we don’t know each other, but know that you are in my prayers. You are not alone. Hear our dear Jesus whisper in your heart, “Be not afraid.” Be not afraid to rest in him. To bring your burdens to him. To grieve with him. And to rise again in hope in him. May God bless you and keep you in the comfort of his love during this difficult time. I will be praying for you, your husband, and for your sweet little baby.

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