Oh to be in the arms of Jesus…

Oh my fellow travelers, it is with both complete sorrow and just the slightest bit of joy that I inform you that our Norah Maye is perfectly healed and safe in the arms of Jesus.

After what was a much shorter than anticipated ultrasound this morning, our doctor confirmed that Norah passed within the last few days.  We could tell something was wrong this morning when the ultrasound tech didn’t spend much time taking pictures and very quickly checked for a heartbeat.  She was in and out much to swiftly and as we waited about 20 minutes for the doctor to confirm what we knew was very likely, my emotions were all over the place…They still are.

At first Jonathan and I didn’t talk about what we were both thinking until I said, “It looks like she has grown…she just wasn’t wiggling much at all.”  Jonathan agreed and eventually said, “I think God answered our prayer.  He healed her.”  And tears streamed down my face.

For what seemed like an eternity I thought about and tried to process the likelihood of losing her and at the same time tried to have hope that it wasn’t true.   I wasn’t expecting to hear that we had lost her today so I tried to wrap my head around continuing the journey that looked grim, just based on what we did see of her little head.  I tried to imagine life without her all the while thinking about maybe getting to keep her.  And as we kept waiting, the reality seemed to sink in more.

The doctor was compassionate, which was an answer to prayer.  He was matter of fact but explained to us very gently what he saw and what the next few days may look like.  He told us that she is small and explained her diagnosis more before confirming that she was in fact no longer with us.  Up until this appointment I have been able to keep tears at bay until we got to the car, but they fell freely for me (and the ultrasound tech) this morning as the doctor continued to move the ultrasound wand trying to get a good angle of Norah for a picture that I requested.

And then we left…and we prepare for what is next.  Tomorrow morning at 5am we will head to the hospital and I will be induced.  I’m not completely sure how tomorrow will play out.  All I know is that I was scared for our appointment today and I am all the more scared about tomorrow and what will be required of me.

We continue to appreciate all the prayers we can get.  More specific prayer requests include:

• A good nights rest so Jonathan and I have energy for what could be a very long day tomorrow.
• Safe travel for my parents making their way here from Rapid City, SD to be here in time for the appointment in the morning.
• Peace and calm during the induction and labor process.
• For a special time when we get to hold and see her.
• And for all the unknowns that I don’t even know need to be prayed for.

And already we wait with great anticipation for when we can join our Norah Maye and our first sweet Little One in the arms of Jesus.