I almost feel like I should begin this post with “Hello fellow travelers!” It is days like today when I feel like we are all squeezed onto a VW van and taking a journey to a destination only known by our driver. I feel surrounded by support, encouragement, and prayers. I am confident that I am not alone in a reality that seems so daunting and overwhelming.
On other days, like this past Monday, I still knew I was supported but it seemed as though everyone else chose to get off the van and it was just me and the driver traveling. I felt alone. It was only me sitting there crying and talking to the van driver about how exhausted I am from traveling on this journey that seems to never end the same journey that I don’t want to ever end. This journey with Norah is lonely sometimes, even in the midst of the support. I told Jonathan on Monday, “I want this all to be over…but I want it to end with Norah in my arms.”
I guess that is all to say, I need/feel/depend/appreciate every once of support and prayers that are offered on our behalf. I don’t take any of them for granted, especially on days like today! Lets load up that van and see where God is going to take us on this Norah journey!
We had a doctor appointment today and our little Norah Maye is still with us! We heard her quickly beating heart (140bpm) this morning and are praising God for her little life!
We also found out that we are still in the midst of a wait and see season. Our appointment on Monday (Sept 14) will hopefully give us a better idea about what we are facing. The Monday appointment will consist of an ultrasound where we will see the brain as well as any physical abnormalities she may have. And we will have the amniocentesis which will give us definitive genetic results.
The waiting is almost unbearable! As time moves on we grow more and more attached to her and we pray so hard that God will glorify Himself through complete healing of Norah’s brain. We know He can do it!
I am scared by it all right now. I’m scared that God will decide not to heal her. I’m scared that the diagnosis will be worse than we thought and that the physical abnormalities will be too shocking to even look at. I’m scared that it will be painfully obvious that we won’t be able to keep her. I’m scared that I won’t be strong enough to handle the news and will fall apart in the doctor office. I’m scared, but God is not and He is the one in control. And so we will trust in His plan even when trusting in His perfect plan is so painful in the moment.