It was almost like an epiphany the way it hit me today. Since D-Day I have struggled and wrestled with how and what to pray. How do I pray for a situation that seems hopeless? Asking for a miracle seems to vast…I don’t want a part way miracle. If God is going to work a miracle, I want it completely! I just haven’t felt comfortable praying for that from the beginning. Don’t get me wrong, I know God can do it…I just never really felt like that is what I should be praying for.
Jonathan and I have also both struggled with praying this baby’s life away…by praying for a miscarriage. It seems so harsh, and so selfish. But thinking about the grief we would experience by losing Wiggles now, compared to losing him/her 6 months down the road just seems more bearable. Again, this may sound harsh, but in many ways we have put our life on hold to take this journey that no matter how we look at it will end in grief.
So how do we pray??
Today, we took some visiting family to the Cooper Chapel…One of my favorite places. As I was sitting thinking and praying about our situation and Wiggles the word “healing” came to mind. It was almost like seeing a glimpse of blue sky on a cloudy, rainy day.
Heal = to make healthy, whole, or sound; restore to health; free from ailment (dictionary.com)
Ultimately, we want Wiggles to be whole, free from ailment. We want his/her little brain to be complete! We want Wiggles to suffer as little as possible. We want Wiggles to be healed! Now, obviously, we would love healing here on this earth. We want a baby to hold and love and raise. But we know that healing on this earth may very well not be the plan God has for Wiggles, and in that case, we want God to give our Wiggles a flawless and perfect body in heaven.
We want healing for Wiggles…here with us or with Jesus. Will you join us in praying for swift healing for Wiggles? We want this healing to be swift for completely selfish reasons. We want to avoid more pain.
This epiphany has finally given me direction in my conversations for God and I am so grateful for that!