Is Mother’s Day for Me Too??

It has been a year since my first Mother’s Day as a mom with empty arms and a year and seven months since the title became mine.  Sometimes I still struggle with the title of mom…does it really apply to me? Most of the time it doesn’t feel like it. I feel like a working woman with no kids and a dog who I treat much like I assume I would treat a child in my care.  And other times, I know it fits me.  I know I got to spend 12 wonderful weeks taking care of and growing a child within me.  God made me a mom…then and still.

My first Mother’s Day was much much harder than I expected it to be. I wanted it so badly to be like a normal day…but it wasn’t and I expect this Mother’s Day will be the same.  Sometime mid-morning, most likely when my pastor will honor mothers during church I will get choked up and think of my sweet little one whose picture is still on my dresser and whom I never held outside of my womb.  I will be grateful for those 12 weeks carrying my child but full of sorrow for the lifetime I didn’t get to.
I will spend the day wishing the day wasn’t so hard…trying to distract myself from the reality of my childless home. And then Monday…Monday morning will come and life will move on again and I will again be just a working woman with a dog and a full schedule…full of everything but children.  And it will be ok…life really is ok…
God has taught me a lot this past year or so about being a mom….
  1. He has control.  He always has and always will.  And as hard as I try…I still don’t have control.  I rarely understand His plan, but I know it always turns out for His glory.   My baby was born into His arms.  I don’t understand it, but I know I am grateful my little one is with the God of all Glory.
  2. God’s plan is painful sometimes.  Sanctification is painful.  It hurts physically and then it hurts emotionally for a long time.  Sometimes it is hard to come to terms with the fact that this pain is all part of God’s work…but when I do, I am honored to be a part of it.
  3. He wants me to work while I wait.  I’m still waiting to see what He has in store for our family.  But while I wait…it seems he has already revealed part of it.  I am to work now…to dive into my passions…and glorify Him now.
  4. He is always faithful.  I can depend on Him.  He has held me every moment of my being a mom and for the 28 years prior too.
Mother’s Day is for me too.  It is just a different kind of day I think.  I won’t be getting any cute little cards with cute little hand prints on them…but I will get another opportunity to remember my child and be forever grateful that my little one not only knows Christ intimately…but gets to spend eternity with Him.  I can only pray that my future children will have the same relationship with my Savior.
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One thought on “Is Mother’s Day for Me Too??

  1. This is your day just as much as it is mine. God allowed you to co-create with him, and your baby has LIFE because of you, your husband, and God’s good grace. The little soul that you helped create lives on in eternity, and you will forever be connected to your baby’s life as his or her mama. May God bless you on this day and may you truly have a happy mother’s day. –Lauren

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